When I was 10 years old, my father was killed in a work-related accident. He left for work in the morning and never came home. When you add to this, the fact that my father was an alcoholic and abusive, this time in my life was conflicted to say the least. This event and the circumstances around it forever changed my life. As I grew older, I found the need to understand and accept that my memories and experiences from this time are not those of an adult, but rather they are the perceptions of a 10 year old child.
Perception is a huge influence in our lives. Multiple people could have the exact same experience, and have completely different stories of that same experience. Perception is the interpretation of situations through our senses. It is also the mental impression, or the way that we interpret and/or understand what is going on. Our upbringing, life experiences, education, and so much more goes into how we perceive everything around us.
My personal evolution is the journey and experiences that brought me to who I am today. The decisions I make and how I perceive the world around me, are based on my experiences. Keeping in mind my perception of my father’s life and death, I always want to know where my husband and children are, and when they are due home. While I do have a drink every now and then, I do not like to have more than one or two, and I am not comfortable in situations where there is a lot of drinking. There are times when my mind wanders into a “what-if” process about death. I wonder what would happen or what would have to be done if someone I care about died.
In our previous blog, Henrieta shared “The important question is not if we carry all of our experiences into the rest of our lives, because we do. The real question is how we carry those experiences with us.” This is so important for me. When it comes to my feelings, all I can do is try to understand them, accept them, then walk through what I am feeling. I am not perfect, not even close, but I do own that I am a work in progress and will be forever evolving.
My faith, which includes a belief in grace and forgiveness, is also key to my evolution. Knowing that I am not alone and acknowledging the fact that I need to forgive and I am forgiven goes a long way to becoming the person hope to be. Also, knowing that God’s grace flows over me, helps to give me a special peace in times when I struggle to find some.
I want to share a favorite quote by Wayne Dyer. This quote has helped me take ownership of my life. “Everything you do is based on the choices you make. It’s not your parents, your past relationships, your job, the economy, the weather, an argument or your age that is to blame. You and only you are responsible for every decision and choice you make. Period.”
So here is my goal… choose wisely!